AS an addict who had lost my own identity in active addiction I could answer this question:
“Why can't I have the person back that I knew before they became an addict”?
I replied,
“ I came back in some way through this process of recovery. There is still a piece of that person who everyone once knew. Today I am a different, better version of that loving and caring person. I still have some of the addict there too. I have put the 2 together and am discovering who I am truly meant to be.”
Through out this process of discovery I found I had been an addict all my life.
I didn't pick up drugs until I was 26.
Some pick up in their early teens.
For me I acted out on my disease in many other ways, the drugs was the Final Catalyst that brought this Disease to light.
I had not lost the good aspects of who I was. Recovery has allowed me to grow and incorporate the old me with the person I am becoming.
When I pray for others "who are lost" I pray they find a new way to live without continuing to harm themselves.
My prayers are for "God’s will not mine be done”.
I pray for guidance in how I can help "God" today.
Prayer is a huge part of my life.
Not the prayers of a religious believe.
I keep them very simple.
Example:
I, My Sister and Her 26 year old Autistic daughter have all been living together for the past 20 years.
I have done all I can to not tell my sister how to do, what she should do, get angry because she didn't.
When ever a situation arises, this is how I normally handle it.
I take it to my HP,
To my support group.
I listen for the answers through other people.
I talk with my sponsor before I make Any decisions or take Any action. (to the best of my ability)
I have to always watch my codependent behavior when it comes to those I love and care about.
After I did all of this, I came to the conclusion that I have to be willing to walk away. Became willing to change my living arrangements. As soon as I understood that, I found that willingness and the support of that possibility. I had given it over and LET GO!
My sister came to me later with an open mind, expressed her willingness to accept the help she needs and asked me how much I am willing to continue doing. Today we are working together and putting a better plan in place for all concerned.
Now getting back to the question at the beginning of this story.
I see this question as a plea for security in what we have come to understand about things going “horribly wrong”. I didn’t go “horribly wrong” I only went down the path that was offered. I was lucky I found another path and could restore a bit of my old self, take some of the things I experienced along the way and become the person I am now meant to be.
I was never a horrible person, When I was acting out in my Disease I wasn’t myself at the time. Through the choices I have made in recovery and becoming the Spiritual Being of today, I am back!!!
So when I pray to give it to "God", I am willing to let it go. When I pray for guidance in how "God" wants me to help, I am willing to follow through.
To be continued……..
