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A Piece of My Story

    • 15 posts
    February 13, 2022 1:30 AM EST

    I came into the "rooms" of 12 step recovery back in 1971. At the age of 10. My dad decided to get sober and joined AA. He found out the entire family could go to meetings designed for us.

     

    I grew up in the "rooms" as it is called.  I had a few experiences from time to time. I didn't like any of it But I liked hanging out with people who drank and drugged. I felt like I fit in. 

     

    So I pretended to take part, I nursed the drink , passed the joint. I did smoke cigarettes eventually. 

     

    Still would go to the occasional meeting until I found the love of my life (at that time) 17 years old. Turned 18, moved in with him and had planed to get married.  He was an addict and he was not interested in my future or his. 

     

    I found myself pregnant and he didn't want kids so I headed back home at 19.

     

    Well I gave birth to my son and was very happy to be his mom. Got a job and provided for us pretty well. 

    A local gentleman (much older) a prominent member of the community took notice of me. He made it known to my family he was interested. 

    Remember it's 1981 by this time, I just turned 20.

    My mother said to me " You know you are not going to do much better than him, he wants you baby and all." " You need to marry him if he asks."

    With my low self esteem and naivety, I agreed to take this path.

     

    A journey that was different than I had hoped for most definitely. This union produced 2 beautiful daughters.

    It was HELL on earth. (A story for the future).  

    Because of my misery and despair I wanted to die. I thought of nothing but for the longest time. Dreamed about how to so many different ways over and over again. 

     

    This union was a form of captivity and when I was allowed to return to work my new job paid me to show people how to play this new video poker game.

     

    I liked it and was able to figure out the pattern it was on and would win often. I found a way to ESCAPE finally!!!

     

    So when no one else was playing I did. Then I would pick up extra hours and I made excuses to go out and stop by and play.

     

    It wasn't legal at the time to pay out (1983) but they all did.

     

    Full blown addiction with these machines.  All I could think about was going and playing. 

    I ended up getting caught by my husband because I didn't come home before him that day.

    I paid for it dearly.

     

    So I lost my job, was confined to home again and thinking about those stupid machines and how to get away to play.

     

    I am a little grateful that I was made to stop because I did get to talk with some people and realized that this is an addiction and I needed help.

     

    I made a plan to escape my miserable life for more reasons than that. So I made my escape one day while I wasn't being watched. I packed the car and took my son back to my parents. 

     

    My parents knew a tiny bit of the HELL I lived with (the bruises and such couldn't be hidden).

    They took us in , my dad had some ground rules (out of respect) I agreed.

     

    It was a difficult decision to leave the girls, but I was told I would killed if I tried to take them. I believed him!!!

     

    I stayed away from those machines and started a different life.  My girls came to visit when my dad would go pick them up.

     

    Soon I was ready to get my own place, a better job became available and I was now 24 years old.

    1985 a whole new year and life ahead.

     

    Then I met the Real True Love of My Life!!

    I let him chase me nearly a year before we went out on a date. We were good friends.  I knew he was the one and I kept saying NO, because he was an addict.  Someone I felt very comfortable with. 

     

    After that first date we were inseparable.  Then one day ( my 26th birthday) he had something special for me.  He knew I didn't like drinking,  snorting or smoking anything. So he was going to teach me his way to "get off". 

     

    To be continued......

     

     

    • 34 posts
    March 11, 2022 11:10 AM EST

    Robin, this is an amazing vulnerable piece of work! Thank you so much for sharing 

    • 22 posts
    July 9, 2022 11:14 AM EDT
    So very proud of you!