March 16, 2022 12:29 AM EDT
Part Four
I had resigned myself to taking this opportunity to get better.
I stayed abstinent the entire time he was in jail. I had agreed to stay with my mother and help her as she wanted in return she fed, clothed, gave me a place to lay my head and t have my kids over.
I found myself driving her all over the country while she was in her active addiction.
She was going from casino to casino gambling all the money she had inherited from my dad. It was miserable!
My sister had asked me if I would like to go back to school and live with her.
I enrolled into school, I moved in with her and her family.
It was small, tight, and barely a running car. It was magically wonderful!!
I was free from using and being used by others for the first time in awhile.
I felt alive, useful and found a purpose.
We struggled to keep everything together and we were happy. No lies, no manipulation we talked about everything before we made a move.
This was an incredible 2 years.
Then my husband was released after being locked up for 25 months. He came to visit and all those feelings were right there all over again.
Having no program or tools, I was drawn in. He found a place for us and I left my little happy life t go be with him. I continued to go to school (Barely). In a matter of 4 months, FOUR Months!! I moved in with him, had gone right back to that way of life using. We didn't stay in that place but 3 of those 4 months because he couldn't work and use. So we ended up at a friend of his close to my school.
He got locked up again!!
I was there on our friends couch. Thinking to myself not again, I cannot.
Once again I prayed, this time I asked for guidance and support in that guidance.
A friend from school answered the phone, came to get me, I spent the day with her and she took me to My First NA meeting. I picked up my one and only white chip. Expected her to join me, but she didn't.
I got mine. I was handed a meeting list with all the women's #'s on the back.
They hugged me and said welcome home, you never have to use again!!
We Love You, the clapping was so loud and I was spinning from all the people grabbing me to hug me.
I spent that night on my friend's couch and she took me back to where I was staying the next morning on her way to class.
I felt like it wasn't quite real. I called a couple #'s asked what meeting they were going to and met up either them.
Thus began my recovery process.
My husband didn't stay locked up but just a week this time. He came by, I was on my way to a meeting and said I hope to see him in one soon too.
That was the first step of the rest of my life of self discovery without distraction.
He tried going to meetings and to approach me before and after. I had asked for the help of those with Tim and recovery to help me stay strong. They surrounded me everything he would approach me. I never felt so safe, and strong in my own decisions.
Eventually after I had nearly 18 months he supposedly had 9 and we had a weekend together. He used, he tried to hide it but I could tell. I left at the time agreed upon. Didn't need to make a scene. I suggested that we work our own separate programs and remain friends and co-parent the kids. He agreed.
It wasn't much longer after that he ended up back in jail and eventually dying from an overdose.
This is how I came to Narcotics Anonymous and how I learned to deal with toxic relationships and build strong lasting meaningful relationships.
To be continued....
