I tend to do this thing after I’ve put a decent amount of time together where I become contented and feel like this disease was never a disease at all despite the vast amount of experience and evidence proving otherwise. It’s almost as if I believed that I’ve shed the old flesh of drug use and boozing and now I’m recharged and impenetrable to any and all exterior forces. It’s totally delusional nonsense but nothing and nobody can tell me otherwise when I’m in it. What’s one nip? What’s one hit? This is the rabbit hole I fight to avoid.
This is why I always play the tape through... I think about my last days using and what I have at the current moment. Is it worth taking just one more when I KNOW that it will eventually lead me back to the turmoil of addiction feeling empty, lonely, and wishing for death? No! I have too much to lose today. I have peace of mind, friends, people that actually pray for me, a job, and so much more. The inner piece is what gets me. I don't have to be trapped in the selfish cycle of insanity that's involved with active addiction anymore. That alone, helps me continue my path of getting better. One day at a time. 