March 15, 2022 10:54 PM EDT
Continuing on....
Conventions, Events, both of us doing service work.
The kids in AlAteen. "The perfect Recovery family".
We built a business, nice home, cars, happy healthy kids. The best schools. Almost 6 years of the "Good Life" !!!
I began to notice He wasn't doing all the program suggests so much anymore. He quit calling and spending time with his Sponsor. He stopped going to as many meetings and so on.
Then one day it was all gone. He used and we separated. My world had shattered. I found myself weak, missing my companion and there he was, dope in hand and All I wanted was to get back what we had.
Sound familiar???
I hear it almost daily from others.
Being vulnerable and in denial of my own disease I invited him in. I had truly lost all control and my disease overwhelmed me. I was in full blown addiction. The whole ugly truth had finally surfaced.
After a very short period of time I had lost nearly everything.
My children lived with family. No more home, cars, business, friends, family or money. We had been living to use and using to live. A true nightmare, that at the time I believed was "fun".
Did an entire lifetime of using in just months.
He ended up in jail, I got the news my Dad passed the day after. I couldn't believe it. For the very first time I called the "Dope Man" on my own Because my life wasn't real, it was too painful and all I wanted to do was die, run away. I told the "Dope Man" what had happened and I believed he cared because he gave me some truly "good shit" this time.
I immediately went out and "found" someone to use with (because misery loves company).
I just didn't want to FEEL Anything but Numb!!!!!
I soon got myself together enough to arrange a ride to go to my Dad's funeral.
My mom knew what I had been up too and tried to keep me with her, I refused and found myself walking 40 miles to get back to using so I could forget all I had lost. Soon my husband was released from jail and we were right back at it.
To be continue
